Dear Oscar, First off, where have you been, man? You haven't posted since September and that one wasn't even about running! Also, why do you think humans are so averse to running in the rain? It's only water, right? It's still early in the rainy season where I live and already I'm tired of the whining. How do we convince these people of the fun you can have out romping in the rain? -- Wet West Coaster

Dear Coaster,

I'll answer your questions one by one. First off, I haven't been anywhere but right here in Richmond having -- as usual -- the time of my life! Oh... you're wondering why I haven't put up any blog posts? And you're questioning my content? Listen: I'm a dog. I post what I want when I want. You humans just keep checking the blog... and feeding me twice a day (that's two scoops of California Natural). Good human.

Secondly, the rainy season. You know, this is a good question; I don't understand humans and the weather. Gladys didn't either. For example, take the first time she ever saw snow (see photo). Yep, she just buried her head like an ostrich until I pulled her out and showed her the fun! Rain is the same way: the wetter and muddier the better, I say.

As for the whining, I couldn't agree more. If it's not feeding time, time to go to the bathroom, or time to go outside (all of which could be as often as every five minutes), I am totally against whining.

Hope this helps and enjoy that West Coast Wetter!
Oscar

Dear Oscar, What do you think of the bill before the New Jersey state legislature that would require dogs to wear seatbelts or be crated in the car? -- Car-Party-Pooper

Dear Pooper,

Preposterous! Me -- wear a seatbelt? You're kidding, right? Have you ever seen me in a car? I sit, I stand. I lie down, I scratch on the window. I let my ears flap in the wind, I lay down. Repeat. A seatbelt? Who comes up with these things!

When I first read your question, I admit it: I laughed until I cried. They must be a bunch of comedians down in New Jersey! I have to visit! However, if you're writing in about it, maybe they're for real. On second thought, maybe I better just steer clear.

Your friend, Oscar.

Dear Oscar, Were you at a dog party this weekend? -- Paw-ty Animal

Dear Animal,

Here's what happened. It all started about three weeks ago when my human (Mark) started experiencing shin pain. Not counting a half-ironman in Maine, he hasn't done much of anything that entire time, just trying to get well. But now he is easing back into running. (By "easing" I of course mean he ran an easy 4 miles with me on Thursday instead of just jumping into the 22-miler he did this morning. Makes sense, right?)

Meanwhile, the non-injured in the family -- that's Ali, Gladys, and me -- went for a 12-miler along the Richmond River Trail. When we arrived at the Beeken Preserve Canoe Access, we realized there was a party going on. And not just any party... it was a DOG party! Of course we crashed it.

Mark had come through prior to us, and apparently he gave them the heads up that we might be coming. The party was put on by Richmond Land Trust. Dr. Dan, the vet from Richmond Animal Hospital was there, and lots of dogs and people. Gladys and I jumped on most of them.

We continued with our run and then went home. When Mark came back through, apparently they were still there. He asked if we had been there, and they told him yes. The conversation went something like this:

     Mark: Was one on the leash and the other not?
     Partiers: You know your children well!
     Mark: Were they well-behaved?
     Partiers: Very!
     Mark: Was the wife well-behaved?
     Partiers: Very!

It's always nice to get a good report. And there's nothing like a party to break up a nice run on a September day!

Your friend, Oscar

Dear Oscar, Can you please explain the USAT drafting rules? Also, while we're at it, will you clarify the concept of "tailgating"? Thanks, Word-freak

Dear Freak,

I'm glad you wrote; there has long been confusion about these two definitions. Why the confusion, you ask? Well, we could start with Merriam-Webster Dictionary and its no-fewer-than 21 definitions for "draft" and 5 for "tailgate." (An aside: Merriam-Webster notes that the earliest use of the word "tailgate" occurred in 1962.)

You'll notice, as I explain these complicated concepts, that it is difficult to have one without the other. If you will refer to Photo A (the one on the left... as a dog, I was unable to figure out how, using HTML -- the computer language used by bloggers to design their weblogs -- to label the two pictures), you will see Gladys "drafting"... that is, taking advantage of reduced air pressure created by the lead dog (me... although we all know that I have a high gear and I could quite easily shift into overdrive and drop her). In doing, she is also "tailgating"... that is, moving dangerously close to the lead dog. You'll know you are too close when all you can see in your range of vision is "tail" -- hence the term.

In Photo B (yes, Einstein, the other photo), you'll notice me trailing at a much safer distance... at least one dog-length behind. As another aside, if the next frame were available, you'd see me performing a full-open-field-body-slam-tackle-takedown-rollover of Gladys. I just love doing that.

Hope this helps with your question.

Your friend, Oscar

Dear Oscar, Under the new collective bargaining agreement, NFL teams are no longer allowed to subject players to double sessions. From your running log, I see that you ran twice yesterday. What gives? -- Eagle Eyes

Dear Eyes,

You truly have been watching my log like an eagle, and, yes, I did run twice yesterday: once with Ali and Gladys in the morning and once with Mark in the afternoon.

While it's true that no more will professional football players be doing two-a-days, I say bring it. Although Gladys was napping on the couch when I left for Run #2, Mark -- and anyone else present -- will attest that I was ready to go. We ran the usual 6-mile loop with a 1.2-mile add-on because Mark needed salad mix from the F.U. farm in Richmond. I will admit that, although he looked like alot of fun, I didn't really feel like romping with the black lab at the F.U. (although I did a little bit to be polite).

On the way back, however, I dove right into the brook by the path, and that was rejuvenating. After that, I led the way back all the way to the house. Two-a-days, three-a-days, all-days... they're all the same to me. I just like running.

Your friend, Oscar

The Doctor Is In

Gladys and I are the only ones who really know how hard she's worked, since we're the ones who have been home with her through the whole process.

But Ali will be handing in her final project this weekend, and let me, Oscar the lab, be the first to congratulate her on a job well done. She makes all the dogs in this house extremely proud!

New Mouser?

Last weekend, as Ali dosed on the couch, she became aware of two eyes watching her expectantly. She thought she heard four little dog-feet too, and that seemed odd. Usually when people sleep around here, Gladys hops right up and snuggles in. Why wasn't she doing that now?

It turns out Gladys had brought Alison a present, and she wanted her to wake up to see. It is well-documented that, despite the title held by Waffle the cat, the Aiken household lacks a dedicated, full-time mouser. So Gladys took matters into her own hands; she brought Ali a (mostly) dead mouse!

As a dog, I am above mousing. Still, I think it was a very meaningful gesture -- and I have no doubt that Ali was deeply moved by the thoughtfulness and generosity of her puppy Gladys... our new mouser.

Never Leave Your Wingman

I've never seen Top Gun, but yesterday I learned the importance of staying with your wingman. During our Thursday morning family run, I got paired up with the slow guy. Mark had a stomach problem and ended up walking most of the first 2 miles. And I was patient; I didn't pull on the leash.

Gladys, meanwhile, was up ahead with Alison -- and they were mostly out of view the entire way.

Five miles into the run, we come to a field through which dogs are generally allowed to run free. By then, Mark was running (slowly) again, but when he unclipped my leash, I didn't wait. I ran straight up the path after the fast group -- that is, naturally, where I belong!

Ali and Gladys were already home, so I sauntered right in the open door. Ali saw me all alone and assumed Mark had died on the trail or roadside -- probably falling victim to some intestinal virus. She immediately sent searchers and got on her bike to find him herself. Minutes later, he came jogging up the driveway. "Has anyone seen Oscar?" he said.

Alison called off the search, and everyone was relieved. And that, readers, is why you should never leave your wingman.

BULLETIN: Cat Goes Outside!

This just in.... Waffle the freeloading cat got up off his cat bed and moved someplace other than to his food dish! And rather than just scratch the furniture, he actually -- are you ready for this? -- went outside!

Waffle, who hasn't chased a mouse in at least 6 months (some believe longer), sleeps, eats... and not much more. In a recent vet visit, the doctor said he could stand a little more exercise and a few fewer meals. To his credit, it is possible that he roams the grounds out-of-doors at night; I wouldn't know. But I do sometimes hear the fwapping of the dog door when I roll over between dog-dreams. On the other hand, for all we know, that's just mice parading in and out while Waffle snoozes.

Anyway, nice to see you getting some fresh air, Waffle. Now why not try catching some mice, willya?

Dear Oscar, Do you think I should work at Stowe next winter? I live in New Hampshire, where, not to brag or anything, but our mountains are much higher. At Stowe, though, the people are way cooler and they give you free lunch. I bet you can relate to the value of a free lunch. What do you recommend? -- Kae from Jackson

Dear Kae,

Well, you seem to have answered your own question. Let me refer you back to your own words: "Free Lunch." Hello... where's the confusion?

I should mention that I, most unfortunately, don't get much in the way of lunch; my humans feed me breakfast and dinner -- 2 cups of Cal Nat twice daily. I'm all about loyalty, but if I could find a situation where they threw in free lunch, well... I'd have some serious thinking to do!

Back to your question, though. You mention the mountains (I've done quite a bit of hiking in NH too and don't think you're bragging too much) and the people (I know some Stowe people, and I agree; they're cool). But I think you're missing what's really important here. Like, what about the dogs? In Vermont, you have me and Gladys (my impressionable little sister). You have my neighbors Lyle and Raven. Do you really have THAT in New Hampster?

I didn't think so.

Hope this helps! Your friend, Oscar

Dear Oscar, I love the new format of your blog -- it looks sharp! One question, however. What about the cute puppy picture of you running through the grass that used to adorn the top? I miss that picture! -- Layout Lover

Dear Layout Lover,

Way to be a lover not a fighter! Regarding your question about the old blog photo, do you mean this one?

Ah, those were good times -- days filled with puppy play, running around in the grass, not a care in the world...

However, I'm a little more grown up now, and, although I don't let my behavior or exuberance reflect this, I feel that my blog layout should represent me as a dog of the 21st Century. So there you go -- glad you like it!

Oscar

Dear Oscar, In looking at your Facebook profile, I noticed that you have not listed any of the...

...institutions where you might have attended school. I find this odd, especially for a dog of your standing. Were you 'home schooled' perhaps or educated in the 'University of Hard Knocks'? In any case I'd recommend furthering your education as this will give you access to a much nicer class of humans and provides a key to financial independence.

Regards, Rick

Dear Regards Rick, I appreciate your feedback regarding my profile. The reason why I hadn't updated my profile is because, as a dog, I didn't know what a profile was. Obviously! At any rate, thanks for bringing this to my attention; I have brought my educational background up to date.

All future viewers will see that I not only completed the introductory "Think Like a Dog" course at the Animal Visions and April Frost Holistic Center for Dogs and People; I am also a proud graduate of "Think Like a Dog" Level II! As you can see, you are corresponding with a highly educated dog.

For more details about my experiences at school, click on Think Like a Dog Level I or Think Like a Dog Level II.

Meanwhile, it's great to be your FB friend. Maybe now you want to be just like me and are thinking about going for your Level I or II... If yes, be sure to tune into this blog often. I'm sure you'll find loads of good advice!

Your friend, Oscar

Dear Oscar, What kind of energy does a 1-year, 4-month-old puppy have? -- Pupped-Out in Pensacola

Dear Pupped,

Let me put it this way. I happen to live with a 1-year, 4-month-old. And that dog is crazy! Take this morning, for example. We went for a 4-mile run with our human. At the very end, in the fields, he let us run off our leashes, and we got a pretty good sprint in. At one point, I gave her a head start and showed that I can still run the 100-yard dash faster and bowl her over. But, for the most part, I just sort of rambled along, while she ran helter-skelter all over the place.

But that's not the crazy part. After a quick dip (and she doesn't hesitate jumping in; it's all or nothing with this pup!), we got back on leash and ran the .6 miles back home. We came inside, un-did our leashes, and that's when she went berserk. Jumping this way and that, hopping on and over the couch, she wanted to play! We ran out the dog-door into the backyard and she launched into full-on puppy play! Running circles in the yard, jumping on her back legs, rolling over... you just don't get that kind of enthusiasm out of anything but a 1-year, 4-month puppy. She is totally bonkers.

Hope that answers your question!

Oscar

Winter One More Time

I always say that my favorite season is the one I'm in right now (for example, rain and mud is my current fave -- not that I love having to get toweled off everytime I come back in the house). However, this weekend, we got one more taste of winter, and boy was it fun.

In the midst of Mud Season, the way one experiences more winter is to go where it's still winter. And here in the East, that's in the White Mountains. And not just anywhere in the Whites; we had to visit Tuckerman Ravine.

Gladys and I served as important crewmembers of Tuckerman Mark Aiken at this weekend's Tuckerman Inferno. That's right: Mark is a "Tuckerman" -- that's what they refer to individuals who compete in all five events that make up the event (run, kayak, bike, hike, and ski). And, yes, individual women are "Tuckerwomen."

I am sure that each individual will tell you they could not do it alone; the crew is the most important part. Our crew consisted of Ali, Heather, Sheila, myself, and Gladys (Sarah was around for moral support -- and to give Mark a Coke), but, as I am sure you assume, Gladys and I played the most important role. Whenever possible, I attempted to sample any food items Ali tried to give Mark (I didn't want anyone poisening him) and we wagged our tails whenever we saw him.

Then we hiked all the way up to Tuckerman Ravine to see him ski. I have been to Tuckerman's Ravine before, but it looked alot different in April -- especially this April. There were crevasses and falling ice -- not really the sort of place dogs should be running free. And, sure enough, Ali had us on leashes the whole time until we finally started down. What does she think, I'm going to jump into a crevasse? Well, seeing as I didn't even know what a crevasse was, she might have had a point. Anyway, I doubt I would have jumped in one anyway; none of the tourists with food were hanging at the crevasses; they were all at the floor of the Ravine. Doesn't take a wonder dog to know that that's where the action is.

Anyway, I'm not expecting too much more winter from here on out, so it was nice to get one last taste.

Dear Oscar, How did your annual check-up go? -- Vet in Victoriaville

Dear Vet,

Yes, I went to the dog doc this week. Also with me at the same visit was Waffle the cat. Let me say this: we go to Richmond Animal Hospital, and that place is top-rate! Everyone pets me, and they have treats there. Did you hear me? Treats!

Waffle, on the other hand, doesn't share my enthusiasm about the vet. Mark had to crawl into the attic area to corral him. Then he meowed all the way while we were in the car. Once there, he slunk around in the corner, like a party-pooper. Not me, though. I was in the middle of everything!

Things didn't get any better for Waffle during his examination. Dr. Dan observed that Waffle gained a significant amount of weight -- the equivalent of a human gaining 20 pounds in a year. Bummer for Waffle, Dr. Dan recommended a diet -- ouch! Well, maybe if that cat got off his rear end and chased some mice every now and then. Or at least feigned enthusiasm while at the vet... maybe then you'd get some love, Waffle!

Case in point: Dr. Dan mentioned that I had gained 5 pounds since my last visit. He emphasized that this is not cause for concern! He said any weight I gained seems to have been in the form of muscle, and that I am a picture of perfect health and fitness!

So keep the treats coming! Whoops... but none for you Waffle. Sorry!

Talk soon, Oscar

Dear Oscar, I noticed you weren't keeping up your running log. And now that it's updated, where did the older entries go? Just asking -- Mile-Counter

Dear Miley,

It's never a bad thing to quantify your activities. Whether it's a fish you caught (how many inches and pounds?) or a run around the block (time and distance)... the specifics are never bad to have.

Which is why, as you have noticed, I keep a running log. In January, however, I stopped being able to enter more runs. Since then, each time I tried to update the Log, my computer would freeze up. You can imagine how disconcerting this was; dogs aren't even supposed to be playing with computers in this house!

Two months of dates and distances (in addition to whether or not I had a small black four-legged running partner, and, if yes, for how far) were beginning to weigh down my walnut-sized retriever brain, so I did something drastic: that's right, I deleted all of the past Log entries and restarted in February.

So far, it's working pretty nicely. If you have questions about past runs no longer listed, I will take the angler's approach: They were BIG runs. And LOTS of them.

Your friend, Oscar

Dear Oscar, Did you get to see the President when he visited Vermont? -- Barack-Breaker

Dear Breaker,

No, I didn't see the President. My owner was interested in seeing him, but he didn't realize that tickets had gone on-sale to see the speech at UVM. And here's the part that I don't understand: when Phish announces a new tour or when Ben Harper tickets went on sale for next October's show at the Flynn, the first person to know is my human! So how can he be so clueless when the leader of the free world comes to our town?

After the tickets sold out, Mark planned his Friday to include his usual early morning old-men's hockey session and then a 15-mile run immediately after. He chose South Burlington as the site of the run; maybe he'd at least get a glimpse of Air Force One -- if he couldn't see the President, at least that it would be cool to see his airplane. Well, you know what happened? He didn't even bring me on the run! Silly excuses like he didn't want to come home after hockey to get me or that they don't want me running more than 13 miles at a time! Ridiculous! These people are running 26 miles and more and they're not even the best athletes in the family -- I am!

Anyway, the Presidential airplane didn't arrive until the afternoon (long after Mark had arrived home), so nobody saw any Presidents or presidential aircraft. Instead the whole family went for a hike in the woods of Duxbury -- and we all had a great time.

Your friend, Oscar

Wow, Oscar, you sure were right about the change in weather pattern. Have you been outside enjoying the winter conditions? -- Winter Wonder Watcher

Dear Wonder Watcher,










We sure have been out there. Skiing, running, and just playing, we have been enjoying our new winter wonderland with huge excitement. For me, I had been waiting for this moment, because I know from experience how great winter is. For Gladys, she was waiting for it... and she didn't even know it! Having been born in Kentucky and having not come to Vermont until the snow was gone last year, she didn't realize all of the fun that was yet to come. And when it did, let me tell you, she dove right in. She has been running, playing, and skiing like a champ. In fact, she skis downhill behind Mark even faster than me. But that's okay. On the ride home, who do you think was sleeping, and who do you think was alert and ready for more, if the situation arose? Answer #1: Gladys. Answer #2: me. That's right, big dog wins again.

Moral of the story: winter is back. And, yes, we've been out there enjoying it!

Your friend, Oscar

Dear Oscar, It's 50 degrees in February!! Will Winter ever come this year? -- Exasperated in Essex

Dear Exasperated,

This is a complicated question -- especially for a dog. You see, one has to take into account synoptic charts, additive data, advection, angular momentum, atmospheric stability, continental air masses, convection, intertropical convergence zones, absolute humidity, barometric pressure, polar stratospheric cloud patterns, radiational cooling, southern oscillation, and the total-totals index.

So having considered all of these factors, yes, I think we will see some more wintry weather.

Your friend, Oscar

Training A New Runner

I am not the only dog that has been running along our dirt road these days. Gladys turned one earlier this month, and she has been slowly ramping up her mileage. Usually you wait till a dog turns one before running with them, and Mark and Ali were true to that. Sure, they took her for a mile a few times before she hit the 365-day marker, but now she has been jogging right alongside me.

Let's get something straight. A dog doesn't just jump into the sorts of mileage that you have been seeing on my running log. For example, on Thursday, Gladys ran her longest distance to date -- 6 miles. On the same day, we left her at home while Mark and I took off on a "big dog" run -- 11 miles. Just too much for a rookie. But don't worry, Gladys. Keep training, and someday we'll let you join the big dogs.

For now, though, sometimes you're just going to have to sit at home.

Note: on my running log, I have been inserting the letters WG (with Gladys). Any number to the right of these letters indicates her mileage for the day if it was different from mine. On a day like Thursday, her mileage is not included because we ran at separate times. What, don't like that I don't include her? Well, then, she can get her own running log on her own blog. Sheesh!

Dear Oscar, Did you do anything special for New Year's? -- Father Time

Dear Timey,

Gladys and I escorted in the New Year in fine style -- with a New Year's Eve adventure!

Well, let's back up a minute. My New Year's Eve didn't start with fireworks: Mark and Ali walked down the street to a party... and didn't bring me! Can you imagine? What did they think I'd do -- jump on people? Eat all the party snacks? Drink all the beer? Well, of course I would have done all that, but what's a party without a little excitement and revelry?

Anyway, after that party, their walk continued back to the next door neighbor Sarah's, where there was a small New Year's Eve bonfire. Apparently, Mark felt bad (as he should have) and walked through the woods to get us.

It...was...awesome. There were like three or four other dogs there, so we played and romped. Someone also left some hot dogs by the fire and I almost got them before Mark intervened. After the hot dog incident, I decided to really ramp up the party. I wandered a little way into the woods before catching a scent... and off I went.

I always enjoy running in the woods. I barked and ran this way and that. I heard Mark and Ali calling for me, but when Lyle (golden retriever-slash-husky) and Gladys showed up, I got even more excited! I led them on an adventure that covered I don't know how many miles!

As always, I returned shortly thereafter -- 20 or 30 minutes -- or should I say, I encountered Sarah on the road who was looking for us 20 or 30 minutes later. She got me by the collar and returned me to Alison, who was also on the road. Funny thing I noticed: they only grabbed onto me. Lyle and Gladys got to continue running free. They're nothing but a bunch of followers anyway.

Still, it was an unbelievable New Year's. The next day, Gladys and I laid around all day. We didn't even follow Ali around the house. Hard partying like what we did requires serious recovery.

Happy New Year everyone! Oscar