Dear Oscar, This is a follow-up to the reader's question from yesterday, because I have a similar

problem. My boyfriend leaves his stuff -- cars, tools, gear, and equipment all over the driveway, lawn, and house. What should I do? -- Baffled in Boston

Dear Baffled,

He leaves his toys around, you say? Ahhh, a man after my own heart. I love rooting around in my toybox. And I never return anything.

Good luck, Oscar

Dear Oscar, My boyfriend doesn't shower, leaves his stuff everywhere, and doesn't do dishes. What should I do? -- In Need of Dating Advice

Dear Advice, You raise some complicated issues, so let's go through them one-by-one. You say he doesn't shower, eh? I can't say I'm too keen on baths either, so I can't really fault him for it. I guess I would ask: does he go in the water at all? I swim every chance I get, but add soap, and I'm not really interested. As for him leaving his stuff around, again, I'm going to answer your question with a question. The boy comes with stuff, okay? Do you want the boy? Or do you want your apartment clear of stuff? Only you can decide.

Regarding the dishes, this is a little more cut-and-dried. I have never left anything but a gleaming, completely clean dog dish. When I'm done eating, I lick it clean so that you'd never even know there had been food in it. I can't imagine leaving anything but a spotless dish. You say the boy leaves his dishes dirty? Tell the worthless, no-good bum to get out!

Hope this love advice helps.

Your friend, Oscar

Dear Oscar, How has the new puppy affected your quality of life? -- Sibling Observer

Photo by Ruth!

Dear Observer, As you may know, being the oldest sibling carries certain responsibilities. And I am pleased to report that I have been living up -- and maybe even exceeding -- all expectations. First off, many of my fans have asked how -- and if -- I like the new puppy. This puppy, Gladys, is the best thing that happened to this family since I arrived on the scene four years ago. We play all the time. Yes, I like her!

Meanwhile, I have been demonstrating how to behave like a good dog should. Which, loosely translated, means my humans brought us to dog school and haven't been letting me run free. Which I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss roaming the neighborhood, but what I don't miss is how disappointed Mark always acted when I got into the neighbor's trash or compost. And, besides, they have been clear that once they are done practicing everything we learned at school (ie I convince them that I will come when called) I'll be able to run free again.

And, I have to say, there are advantages to being the oldest. For example, I get to go running with my humans (meaning Mark, since Ali has been temporarily sidelined by an injured foot), while Gladys stays home. Puppies aren't allowed to run until they are a year old (and I hope she doesn't hold us up too much when she can go). Also, puppies sleep in their crate, while old dogs like me sleep upstairs in the human area -- even on the bed, if I feel like it. Finally, and most importantly, big old dogs get more dog food. Sorry little puppy. Maybe someday when you are 4 years-old and weigh 75 pounds, you'll get a cup-and-a-half per serving too -- instead of your measly two-thirds of a cup.

Although you won't be seeing me around the neighborhood like the old days, what you will see is a lot of dog ruckus around the homestead. We romp and play off and on all day. Then we sleep... and then we romp and play some more. Make no mistake -- having a puppy around makes for good times!

Your friend, Oscar

Dear Oscar, I heard you went to school. Can they teach an old dog new tricks? -- Learner from Laredo

Dear Learner, First off, who are you calling an "old" dog? I am only 4 years old. Although the paperwork at the dog school referred to me as "mature" (and we know how off-base that designation is) I am certainly not "old"!

As for the school, it was totally awesome. That's right -- awesome. Right off the bat, the lady who ran the program -- April Frost from Animal Visions and Holistic Center for Animals and People -- made it clear that none of my bad behaviors (like my running off, not coming when called, jumping on houseguests) are my fault. You heard me -- none. Finally, someone who sees things my way! She confirmed what I suspected all along: it's all my humans' fault!

That's right -- running, jumping, and all of that are things that dogs do naturally in their native environments (ie the Wild), and only because humans have domesticated us and brought us to live in environments not natural to us, are these behaviors not okay. So, she said, it's up to people to properly train their dogs to act appropriately in the human environment. The problem is, people don't know how to communicate with dogs -- and that's what April's program attempted to teach.

Pretty much all the dogs were cool, but Gladys and I, in my opinion, were the stars of the class. You should have seen that puppy come -- even when April brought out chickens to distract her! I showed that I can walk on a loose leash behind my human. It was actually fun, believe it or not.

One thing is for sure, with a teacher so completely on my side, I'll go to school any day.

Your friend, Oscar

Reform School

I get to go to school! It has been a very exciting spring. First off, all the snow from winter lasted well into April. Then we got a new puppy. And the puppy, of course, has to go to obedience training. At first I was jealous, but then I heard the news: I get to go too!

With so many developments, I have been understandably excitable. I've been jumping on house guests, running off, and begging. Don't judge; I'm excited, okay? Anyway, lately, I haven't had many chances to run off; we either run on the leash these days, go to the dog park, or stay in the fenced yard. And the one or two times I have been outside the fence, I have bolted. Lots of good compost in the neighbors' gardens this time of year. And, let me tell you, there's no time like when people come over to show how amped up I am. Like when that lady from Gladys' adoption agency came over for a home visit before we were cleared to adopt? Boy, did I jump all over her!

Although, I do have a question. My humans trained me themselves, so why have they decided to bring Gladys to school? It's not like she's chewed anything or been a handful. She is cool about her crate, and she's nearly housebroken. What gives?

Wait a minute! I see what's going on here... Gladys is just an excuse! They're not going to get her trained; they're going for me! This isn't any old school; this is reform school! Hey, wasn't I good today when Mark and I went running? At mile 5.5 in the field, he let me off the leash, and didn't I heel until he said "okay"? And then when I took off, didn't I come right when he called? Yes and yes! So what's with reform school?

Oh well, we'll see how it goes. I'll give it a try. But listen here: if I don't like it, I'm outta there.