A New Mouser

You might think I have an easy life, but I beg to differ. Without me, where would this household be? I'm the one who greets everyone who comes near the house -- friend or foe. Who constantly stands guard over this property, regardless of the hour? Thats' right, me. (You might call it sleeping, but think of one time that I didn't wake up the instant someone put their little toe on our driveway. That's what I thought.) And who keeps people healthy, active, and in shape around here by constantly being ready (and insistent) to go outside for walks, rides, runs, or skis? Again, yours truly.

In short, I am the glue that holds this household together.

I'm sad to say that I can't say the same for the cats in this household. All they do is lay around and act lazy. Their sole contribution is to keep the local rodent population under control (such menial work, in my opinion). And, for awhile, I even questioned how well they were keeping up with that one simple task. Now Scout, of course, our 13-year-old mouser has a reputation to fall back on. You can't argue with 13 years of results. Not only is he efficient, he is generally in the habit of lining his victims next to his cat dish. Recently, however, Scout was banned from eating regular cat-food, in lieu of "old-cats" food (it's rather tasty -- I have tried it). But, because Waffle and I are very interested in Scout's new diet, he now eats in the bathroom. At his age, how humiliating! So, I think he may have gone on strike for awhile. And besides, where is he supposed to line up his kills now that he doesn't eat at the bottom of the basement steps? I think Scout actually enjoys mousing, so he recently got back at it. But he left the dead mouse behind the front room couch. He's still confused about what to do.

Waffle, on the other hand, has been a free-loader since the day he arrived. In, out, in, out. Meow, I want this. Purr, I want that. Never have I seen a bigger slacker. Kitten sleeps all day, then goes outside to party all night. Until my human Alison made a discovery a few days ago. Or should I say "discoveries": she found 4 dead mice in the backyard. Well, now, little kitten, maybe you have been making yourself useful!

Well, I'm glad to see I'm not the only one shouldering the load around here. But, make no mistake about it: I am the most important personality in this household -- two-legs or four. And that's not just my opinion; that's a fact.

Hurricane Hike

Mount Mansfield may be just 4393 feet high, but it acts like a much bigger mountain than that sometimes. As a dog who has skied from the summit, I feel I am an adequate judge. But never have I been up there on a day like last Saturday. It felt like a hurricane up there!

I first noticed the wind when we got out of the car. Everyone was gearing up for a nice autumn walk, but I was watching the treetops. They were going crazy! I, of course, didn't say anything, because I was just excited for a hike. And I think the whole group was excited: we had my usual humans, Ali and Mark, we had Doug McKain with his photographic trail-memory, Ruth Penfield who chronicled the journey on film (in fact, all photo credits on this post go to her), and Ryan McKain who was visiting for a little weekend hiking and fishing.

We went up the Laura Cowles trail because we thought it might be a little better sheltered than some of the other routes. Sheltered? Maybe. Dry? Uh...no. Water was pouring down that trail like a river! Again, it didn't bother me; I just slopped right through it and drank whenever I wanted. I found myself in somewhat of an ironic situation; I was carrying two small water bottles in my dog-backpack. Yet everywhere we went, water was seeping out of that mountain!

At the top, the wind was blowing 75 mph. The view was great, if your definition of "great view" is 15-feet of visibility with wispy grey fog flying past you. My ears and lips flapped in the wind, and everyone's jackets filled with air. They looked like a bunch of weight-lifters, their jackets were so poofed out!

Rather than descend the exposed Sunset Ridge Trail, we walked the Mt. Mansfield ridge to the Canyon North Extension to the Halfway House trail. The Halfway House was nice, but the Canyon Extension was slippery and kind of treacherous. I was a little nervous and at one point refused to climb over some slippery rocks -- even when someone offered me cookies. Hey, I like dog cookies, don't get me wrong. But not enough to die for. They're not steaks, you know.

Anyway, we got past the sketchy spots. I had a great time bounding around in the woods and hanging out with our group. One nice thing about the weather was that there were very few people hiking Saturday. To go up there on a day like that, you have to be seriously deranged... or you must must really like hiking.

Doors

In my puppy days, my humans had a plan. They fenced off a section of the yard and they closed the door from the porch to the house. When they had to leave me home alone (something I can't say I necessarily approve of -- after all, why wouldn't they want to bring a yellow puppy wherever they were going?), I had a safe space to be with an indoors and an out.

Fast forward to September 2009. The porch has been finished off and is now part of the house. There is no door separating the two. So when I get left alone, it's either in or out. While I love being outdoors, I don't love my yard. It's too... familiar. So I always choose to remain indoors (that way, if I need to use the phone or, for example, type up a blog entry, I can).

And, I should clarify the word "alone." I have never been left completely "alone." Scout the cat and Waffle the kitten are always here with me. And herein lies the problem. I am content, when I'm home alone, to sleep on a couch or bed. Waffle -- the new generation pet -- is more of an instant-gratification cat. If he's outdoors and he wants in, he wants in now. Which is why he has been scratching furniture, walls, doors, and so forth. The most obvious example: he has completely destroyed the weather stripping on the exterior door between the porch room and the yard. It's shredded.

And so our humans went to Lowe's home center on the Vermont tax-free holiday a few Saturdays back. They purchased a screen door... with a pet door! Whee-hoo! Now when they leave (as long as the weather's warm), we pets can be indoors or outdoors at our leisure! We have total control of our destinies!

Except for one thing: the Lowe's people who are supposed to install the door never call us. It's been almost three weeks! So they still have the door and Waffle is still scratching. I suppose, now that everyone knows Waffle is the culprit, I could try to blame him for some of the other shenanigans that go on around here: the granola bars that keep getting eaten... the backpacks that get chewed up if anyone leaves dog cookies inside them... the vegetables that get picked out of the veggie basket on the counter...

But I would feel bad pinning those on an innocent kitten. So I'll stick to my original story. It was aliens! They buzzed down in a spaceship, opened the door with their space blasters, chewed the backpack, and ate the dog cookies! I told them to pick up after themselves, but they just ran back to the spaceship and flew away!

Oh boy. I just hope we get this door installed soon.

Oscar


Waffle and his weather stripping project (click on photo for a close-up of the shreddage)

Dear Oscar, I am a sports nerd who studies stats. Like in baseball, I keep track of a pitcher's ERA against left and right-handed batters...

...among other meaningless numbers. Anyway, in studying your Running Log, I noticed that you don't seem to be running much so far this month. What's up, are you getting soft in your old age? -- A Nerdy, But Devoted Fan

Dear Fan,
First off, I am almost 3 years old. In dog years, I am just about "college-aged." Which, we all know, often can signify a decrease in meaningful productivity (which isn't to say it's not a time of productivity; said productivity during this timeframe is simply not meaningful!)

This is not, however, the case with me. I too have noticed the drop in miles, and I am not pleased about it. My humans continue to follow a course of long runs on Sundays and track workouts later in the week. I am not included in these workouts, and, as you can imagine, I call "Foul."

They have, however, incorporated a new practice to our schedules: the "bike ride to the river." What they will do is bring me down to the garage, grab a mountain bike, and then ride to the river. I, meanwhile, run full-speed next to them on their bikes. It is FUN! And it isn't too time-consuming for them, so I have been making way more trips to visit and swim in the Winooski! It is an interesting new twist in our exercise relationship; they can keep up with me on those two-wheelers. It's sort of like backcountry skiing without the uphill part. Finally, an activity we can truly do together. Seriously, the runs are good, but can you humans please pick it up a couple of notches? Sheesh, it's like running with a bunch of turtles!

In other news, I am pleased to report that I have lost the designation of "Most Destructive" at my residence in Richmond, Vermont! That designation now falls on Waffle the kitten, who has destroyed the weather stripping around the back door, countless toilet paper rolls, a couch -- and who walks on the heads of my humans from 2:30AM until daylight. I'm surprised they put up with it -- the head-walking, I mean. I stopped sleeping on the bed months ago. Once I see that kitten show up at night, I don't mess around -- I'm outta there. It's on the floor for me. I don't have time to be losing any sleep.
Your friend, Oscar

Dear Oscar, I work with this really cute girl, but don't know if I should ask her out. What should I do? Jonesin' for Love, Jim

Dear Jonesin’ Jim,

Before I started writing my own blog, if you'd have told me I'd be giving out dating advice, I wouldn't have believed you. The things people ask a dog with a blog!

Okay then. Listen to me Jim, and listen carefully: when I see something I want (and bear in mind, these things are generally food-related), I do one of two things. Usually, I don’t think; I just go for it. It’s there; why not take it? For example, the other day, someone left some cupcakes on the counter. You think I hemmed and hawed and wondered what to do (like you're doing)? Of course not! I put my front paws on the counter and started licking. By the time my human realized what was up, I had already licked all the frosting off the first cake. Yummm!

Maybe you aren't a man of action. Which is okay; indecision is appropriate in many situations (although I can't think of what situations these are... but I hope I'm making you feel better). Anyway, sometimes when my first approach doesn't work, I go to plan B. That's right... I beg! I’m not ashamed. If I think it’s dinner time, I have no qualms about scratching on the door to get attention. When my human comes over to let me out, I trot right over to my food dish and give the most pathetic look I can. Before begging this cutie of yours, however, I recommend practicing your pathetic look. You want to give her a real guilt complex -- like she is your last hope. You don’t want to give her any excuses for turning you down. Where’s my dignity, you ask? I don’t want dignity; I want food. Priorities, Jim.

I hope you find this advice helpful. If you don’t get the girl, at least you should be able to score your next meal. These methods have never failed me.

Regards, Oscar

Dear Oscar, School starts again in less than a month! Yikes! What is the best way for me to protect my schoolbooks? Thanks, A Scared Student

Dear Student, Don't be scared. School is nothing to be afraid of. Well, I guess that's easy for me to say; I've never been to school. Those obedience training places where they bring puppies? Never went. Are you surprised?

As for your schoolbooks, how am I supposed to know? Try not drooling on them for starters. That should help protect them. I have seen kids on my street going to school with books that have homemade book covers. They appear to have been made out of paper grocery bags -- an excellent example of re-using resources.

I have only read one book (pictured above), and I didn't read the whole thing. Pawing through the pages, I was appalled to discover it was about an undisciplined yellow dog who chewed all his owner's belongings. Not exactly subject matter I approve of, now is it?

However, I don't believe in censorship or book burning (or other forms of book-destruction) either. But I couldn't just let this slide, could I? Here's what I did: Very carefully, I chewed the lower corner of the book (see photo), even though it was on loan to my human. It was my way of clarifying how I felt about the topic.

I think I made my point. At least, my human never returned it. She said she was too embarrassed that it was all chewed up. This is a lie. I much prefer to believe she didn't think people should be making fun of dogs who don't come when called.

Hope this helps. Enjoy what's left of your vacation.

Oscar

Dear Oscar, How does the heat of summer affect a dog while running? And are you still training as much as always? Your friend, Dwight

Dear Dwight, They say that heat affects dogs more acutely than it affects humans. I say this is ludicrous. Heat or no heat, I have never seen a human who can outrun me. I mean, I'm not saying I would try to run through the Sahara or anything; I'm just giving you the facts. What I would say is this: don't forget to drink lots of water and to save some for your dog. Also, I have no qualms about plopping my whole self into a pond, puddle, lake, or stream that I might encounter on a hot summer day mid-run. I love trying to run through a puddle and drinking on the fly. But that's not just in the heat; that's anytime!

As far as my current training, no, I'm not running quite as much as usual, and I'm bitter. Here's the deal: my humans are at that point in their current marathon training when they are running longer distances on Sundays. 14, 16, 18, and 20 milers. And their rule is that I don't go on runs of over 13 miles. This is hogwash! And I let them know it last week by chewing Alison's backpack (again). I also ate her Shot Blocks -- very tasty, thank you. Also, they are incorporating track workouts into their regimen. That means they actually time themselves over set distances. Last week they did 4 800 yarders at the South Burlington High School track. And they didn't bring me. They seem to think I can't focus enough to run hard for those distances.

Well, they're right... but why would I want to!?! When I run, I want to smell a bush every now and again, check out a squirrel, or pause at puddles. I don't know who gave them the silly idea that speed workouts will improve their marathon times, but I would like to have a word with whoever it was.

So, no, I seem to be getting left behind a little bit these days, and, let me tell you, I am not too pleased about it.

Regards, Oscar