Dear Oscar, I work with this really cute girl, but don't know if I should ask her out. What should I do? Jonesin' for Love, Jim

Dear Jonesin’ Jim,

Before I started writing my own blog, if you'd have told me I'd be giving out dating advice, I wouldn't have believed you. The things people ask a dog with a blog!

Okay then. Listen to me Jim, and listen carefully: when I see something I want (and bear in mind, these things are generally food-related), I do one of two things. Usually, I don’t think; I just go for it. It’s there; why not take it? For example, the other day, someone left some cupcakes on the counter. You think I hemmed and hawed and wondered what to do (like you're doing)? Of course not! I put my front paws on the counter and started licking. By the time my human realized what was up, I had already licked all the frosting off the first cake. Yummm!

Maybe you aren't a man of action. Which is okay; indecision is appropriate in many situations (although I can't think of what situations these are... but I hope I'm making you feel better). Anyway, sometimes when my first approach doesn't work, I go to plan B. That's right... I beg! I’m not ashamed. If I think it’s dinner time, I have no qualms about scratching on the door to get attention. When my human comes over to let me out, I trot right over to my food dish and give the most pathetic look I can. Before begging this cutie of yours, however, I recommend practicing your pathetic look. You want to give her a real guilt complex -- like she is your last hope. You don’t want to give her any excuses for turning you down. Where’s my dignity, you ask? I don’t want dignity; I want food. Priorities, Jim.

I hope you find this advice helpful. If you don’t get the girl, at least you should be able to score your next meal. These methods have never failed me.

Regards, Oscar