Dear Oscar, My boyfriend doesn't shower, leaves his stuff everywhere, and doesn't do dishes. What should I do? -- In Need of Dating Advice

Dear Advice, You raise some complicated issues, so let's go through them one-by-one. You say he doesn't shower, eh? I can't say I'm too keen on baths either, so I can't really fault him for it. I guess I would ask: does he go in the water at all? I swim every chance I get, but add soap, and I'm not really interested. As for him leaving his stuff around, again, I'm going to answer your question with a question. The boy comes with stuff, okay? Do you want the boy? Or do you want your apartment clear of stuff? Only you can decide.

Regarding the dishes, this is a little more cut-and-dried. I have never left anything but a gleaming, completely clean dog dish. When I'm done eating, I lick it clean so that you'd never even know there had been food in it. I can't imagine leaving anything but a spotless dish. You say the boy leaves his dishes dirty? Tell the worthless, no-good bum to get out!

Hope this love advice helps.

Your friend, Oscar