Dog Vacation!

You won't believe what happened. My humans, Mark and Ali, went on vacation. That's not the unbelievable part... sheesh, let me finish.

They brought me with them!!!

Not Scout, not Waffle, not anyone else. Just me! Isn't that the best???

We went down to Cape Cod. Mark went ahead, some sort of writers' conference or something. Ali and I came a few days later in the blue Honda. She had that thing loaded with bikes, beach stuff, running stuff, dog stuff. There was barely room for me in the back!

Anyway, I was on my best behavior on the way down, and when we got there, wouldn't you know it? We stayed with my good friend Andy the Aeredale! Andy and I played and romped pretty much for 72 straight hours. I think we paused to sleep and eat. Meanwhile, I got to visit the ocean (wow those waves were big, and wow, did that water not taste good), run on the beach (on my leash), play in the yard... yup, that's about it. Can you imagine a better vacation?

Mark and Ali, meanwhile, swam in a beautiful pond (no dogs allowed, which was too bad, but Andy and I occupied ourselves by standing by the fence and barking while they were gone) and went on and on about how great all the food was.

I highly recommend Cape Cod. Lots of trails, the ocean, the beach... and good friends to visit. My humans are already talking about the Caribbean. I can't wait!

Dear Oscar, My owners just had someone measure my yard for a fence. A fence! Help! Why are they doing this to me? What did I do? Regards, Riley

Dear Riley,

Just calm down, buddy! First off, repeat five times:

I may be the dog, but I am really the master...
I may be the dog, but I am really the master...

Feel a little better? Good dog. Okay then, just to let you know, you can always find a weak link in your fence. And even if the installer is that good (which is highly unlikely), have no fear. Your own human (the dope!) will mistakenly leave the gate open just long enough for you to bound through to freedom. Repeatedly.

The important point here, once again, is to give your humans the illusion that they control your life. It makes them feel better to believe this. I know the "sit, stay, come" bit can be tedious, but throw the human a beer once in awhile (note the play on the old "throw the dog a bone" saying). Let them believe, and then they'll let their guard down. And next time you see a dead carcass in a field somewhere, boy will it be worth it. Roll away, baby!

So don't sweat the fence. You're just as free as you ever were, and those saps are feeding you Milk Bones to boot.

Have a good day, Oscar

PS Riley, on another note, I hope you're feeling better. You and your owners are really an inspiration. Best wishes!

Dear Oscar, I have been reading about the health and cleansing benefits of juice fasting...

...I am more intrigued, however, by your more unorthodox approach of eating unscented goat's milk soap instead. Is this a method you regularly engage in before a big marathon? Would you recommend it to others? And is it FDA-approved? Regards, Solomon Katz

Dear Solomon, This blog post will no doubt be the only time you see the words "Oscar" and "fast" together in this context. A much more likely context would be: "Wow, Oscar sure did eat his dinner fast!"

Let the record show that I see NO benefits of any kind that might come from fasting. And believe me, I've tried; I fast every day between my morning meal and my evening meal, and let me tell you, it stinks. This is not, of course, to say that I'm against sucking down someone's juice if they leave it around. But to purposely not consume hard food? That's crazy talk.

In regard to the soap I ate before the marathon, it was the same color as bacon fat, so I thought I better eat the whole bar, just in case. According to the Poison Center (which my humans contacted when they saw the torn up wrapper), there was nothing in the soap that could kill me. It may have been cleansing (like your juice fast), but I still don't recommend it for others. Talk soon, Oscar